HOW LONG SHOULD I WAIT ?

It has been eternity now my love, how long should I wait?

Ages passed and still I am awake.

Eyes long, for your one glimpse

Soul shivers, for your one smile.

You and me, have been apart for a while now.

When will it end? And I don’t know how.

I hope you are waiting for me, far away from me.

I hope you are crazy for me, the way I am.

Love was sweet then, and I hope it remains so.

Let time not wither and turn it sober.

Water it, and caress it for a while my dear

Very soon, I promise we will be facing each other.

Glasses are tinted of my window and so in my vision.

Bones crumble and are brittle from last  winter.

Wrinkles are the main features of my face.

Heart sighs with every breath.

Love on the contrary is, and will remain young.

Memories are still well kept and polished.

This world is narrow and so is the time.

We will face our destiny in next world, sometime.

 

Copyright © VISHAL RAUT

Images – Google.

 

 

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HENCE ON!!

Some of my days are old and tired,
Some are young and excited.
Some make me creep and crawl every moment.
Some push me beyond my limits.
I have a curse which I don’t know, when ends.
I have a blessing which I know, will end soon.
I am human,with a bit of divine in me.
I am a human, with a demon being in me.
Love and hate all exist within me.
Love is mere and hate is surplus within me.
Quest is on , but laziness overrides it.
Battle continues even when, war is lost.
You have me,but I have none.
You have love, and I have pain.
Bless My Lord! bless me at least now,
With divine love and mist of grace.
Unwind my faith, and enrich it again.
Break my shackles and strengthen my leap.
Hate and sorrow , I had enough.
Love and only love, I need hence on.

Copyright ©Vishal Raut

Casual Conversation

Hi, how are you? Yes I am asking you. How have you been lately? Sorry I never bothered to ask you, about you”

‘Now you might be wondering, how the hell this happened? Why is he suddenly asking me, how I am? He knows how I am, he knows how I have been in past and in fact he will decide how I will be in future. Then why is he even bothering himself by asking me?’

‘Yes, I know you, yes I have been responsible for all that you have been till now and what you will be in future. Yes, you and me have been dwelling together in a same physical form, responsible for its performance and survival. But never have we existed as our self for each other. We have mostly never acknowledged our identity and understood the reason behind our purpose.
You are the heart, emotional, mushy, traumatic and the anxious one. I am the mind, rational, pragmatic, logical one. Yes most of the time I dominate you, very few keep the courage to follow you. I have more slaves than masters. You have dreams, aspirations, ambitions. I on the contrary have statistics, reality check and knowledge to back up with. Yes I am easy to follow and better to understand. You are the most complicated one. Never emotes anything clearly, never express anything vividly.
So my lovely colleague, yes I am your competitor, but believe me, I never had a choice for it. Choice is not with both of us. So rather than being stranger why can’t we be a good neighbor. Let the one who has the choice, decide, which house he or she want to dwell in’

Which house do you guys prefer to dwell in? Do share with me in my comments section.

VISHAL RAUT

Image – Google.

My Boy

“How have been your journey so far, boy?” Asked the man standing right behind him in that crowded bus, hanging on the same rusty iron bar. His sweaty armpits where dripping on his shoulder and his groin rubbed unintentionally on his ass, whenever bus danced among the potholes. ‘Who was he? Why is he bothering me? I don’t even know him, but still he is asking me so much in detail. Fuck off’, he wanted to reply, but just couldn’t. That smiling face deserved respect. Lines on his forehead resembled with his father. Yes their thickness, length, all of it. It was almost the forehead of his father. Rest of the face had no resemblance at all with him. But so what, that was enough for him to bear him the entire journey.

It has been a year, he has left his home now. Not even bother to call once since then. Loss of his father, was a tragedy which changed him completely. Nothing in this world could take his place. What could he have done without him? He never imagined such a situation. For him he was there always. His every success, his every failure, his sickness, his pain all was shared with him. Now what? Loss of father, ensued with responsibility was to much for that child. So he decided to quit. Yes he did something which no one had taught him ever. His father specifically have never trained him to do so. Then from whom he learnt to quit?

Understanding the reasons for person’s behavior in a situation, essentially requires you to understand everything about that person, which except that person no one knows. So for that child, he had his reasons for his actions and that he was not willing to share it with anyone at all.

“So where are you going son”? This question dragged him back to reality. Staring at him blankly over his shoulder, he wondered what to say. “Last stop sir”, he replied and started looking forward, trying to avoid any further conversation.

So when the bus did stop at her last stop and when the only two men got away from her, he got cautious. Is he following me? What the fuck does he wants from me? What if he is some psychopath killer? Afraid and anxious he got down with him and started walking ahead. He knew no one in this town. He was just wandering and killing his time, doing odd jobs and changing places every now and then.
“Son why don’t you come and stay with me tonight”, once again the man offered him help. He was tired, refusing him. But this time he couldn’t resist it. His weakness and hunger overcame his fear and he agreed to go with him and started following him. ‘Fuck off’, he said to himself. ‘What if he kills me, I can be with my Pop again in heaven’.

After evening supper which was thoroughly enjoyed by the boy, he laid down on a bed made for him. While the boy was plunging in his deep slumber he heard the man say, “ Sleep my son, sleep here. Remember no matter what happens, never in life worry about anything at all. I will provide you all. You just focus on following the purpose of your life. Rest all will be taken care by me”

Same words, same sentence, how could it be? He went crazy, his father use to say him, same thing every night before he went asleep. But today after many days he had a full supper so he felt as if he was listening this in his dream or did the man say it. He was confused and instead of asking him he preferred sleeping in that warm quilt. ‘In morning I will ask him, who he is?’, he thought and slept.

Will he get a chance to ask him in morning?

Image – Google

Copyright ©Vishal Raut

First attempt in writing a short story.

His New Identity 

It was very fine for me, dad not talking with me, still fuming with rage because of my recent confrontation,  mother busy in her daily morning chores completely unaware of our presence. This has been normal for us recently. We lived under one roof and shared many good memories here till now, but situation has changed us all, for good I hope. Now we three of us have created our own dimension in our home and are dwelling in it without disturbing each other. A three dimensions of three individuals in a three dimensional home of ours

Excitement, passion for life and hunger for success are my father’s proud qualities. Calm, gentle and caring are features of my mother which obviously are or most of mothers in this world. I on the contrary never possessed any of this. Love, yes I had immense for them, but compassion and care was absent. Respect was there but thick void space existed between me and them.

No it was not their upbringing to blame for my situations nor did they ever mistreated or abused me. They are ideal parents, who always gave me and my requirements priority. It was me who was failing them, I was not like them at all. Not even a speck of mine represented an ounce of them. They realized this very late but I knew it much earlier.

I hided it from them as long as I can, I even tried to change or rather go against the nature to be as per their expectations, but I failed miserably every time.

My truth dawned on me gradually and I confessed it to them after lot of persuasion by my heart to me, and from that day onwards till today it has been very difficult for them to accept me as I am. Efforts from them are there, they know they can’t abandon me or I think love for me is upholding them from not giving up.

Love which have bounded three diverse people like us together and has strengthen us for so long will be required now abundantly. It has to make my mother understand that her son is not normal, but still it is her son who loves her and asks nothing but love in return. It has to weaken my  father’s pride and ego  and strengthen his heart to expect me as I am, because I am not the son he wanted but maybe I am better in other ways. My love for him is unconditional and so must be his love for me.

Yes my parents, I am a gay and this is what I can’t hide nor lie to you. Life, yes I love you a lot and would like to spend with you both. 

Some reality of our society scripted by me. PURE FICTIONAL. Do comment your opinions. 

VISHAL RAUT 

Image – Google 

Pieces of Me 

Pieces of me, which shattered last night,

Scattered now around me are glistening under light.

They are me and I was them, some time back,

But now I am new and they enlighten my track.


Immense energy and boundless courage was taken, 

To break my old self, and to patiently listen. 

The voice from my heart and of my loved ones,

Insisting me to reform and at once get it done. 


Love and faith is what I must vision ahead, 

Fear and guilt, I must abandon. 

Accepting myself and my situation must be learned soon,

What awaits me ahead is a shimmering lovely full moon.

Copyright ©Vishal Raut 
 

Chaisng Dreams 

“​Wait for me”, I said to her like every time. 

“I will return soon this time”  I said.

She stared in my eyes and tries to reach my heart. 

My shivering soul,  hides deep in shame and despise. 

She knows,  I am lying like last time. 

She knows I am chasing my dreams abondoning her this time

Copyright ©Vishal Raut