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Expressing Life

Me and my life 

I started this blog with only one idea in my mind. I wanted to understand what exactly is blogging and how is it done. Wait, let me make one thing very clear, that I am not at all intretsed to make money by blogging but if ever I get the opportunity to earn, I have no issue with it.

So I choose this site which made my blog page very easily. But the very next question was what will I be blogging off ? I am presently living a mediocre life in a metro city of India. Striving hard to earn livelihood for myself and my family with hardly any adventure in my life. 

I do have some hobbies, which well are not so unique but very special to me. But then writing about them will not be so exiciting. So after thinking for a while I decided to write about life in general.

Life, I know is such a common word which we use daily thousand times in our communication. Boss shouts on your colleague in front of you, you patt his/her shoulder and say “it is part of a life don’t worry. “You don’t get a seat to sit in a metro while going back home when you are tired and need the most, you smirk and say to yourself “what a life.” You follow your favourite person on Instagram/Twitter and go through his daily post and pic, envy him and show them to your friends and say “he/she is truly living a splendour life.”

Life, we all celebrate, curse , envy, blame, spend, live every moment. We do all this in our life, with our life and never ever try to understand that all this is possible for us only because we are blessed with a Life.

So here I am, and I have decided to blog about Life, it can be anybody’s life, yours, mine anybody’s. I will in my subsequent blogs try to express various forms of a human life in every aspects of society within my country and place/society I get opportunity to live in with.

Thank you and do comments whatever you feel like and kindly tolerate my typo/grammatical errors if any.

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Featured post

My New Identity 

It was very fine for me, dad not talking with me, still fuming with rage because of my recent confrontation,  mother busy in her daily morning chores completely unaware of our presence. This has been normal for us recently. We lived under one roof and shared many good memories here till now, but situation has changed us all, for good I hope. Now we three of us have created our own dimension in our home and are dwelling in it without disturbing each other. A three dimensions of three individuals in a three dimensional home of ours

Excitement, passion for life and hunger for success are my father’s proud qualities. Calm, gentle and caring are features of my mother which obviously are or most of mothers in this world. I on the contrary never possessed any of this. Love, yes I had immense for them, but compassion and care was absent. Respect was there but thick void space existed between me and them.

No it was not their upbringing to blame for my situations nor did they ever mistreated or abused me. They are ideal parents, who always gave me and my requirements priority. It was me who was failing them, I was not like them at all. Not even a speck of mine represented an ounce of them. They realized this very late but I knew it much earlier.

I hided it from them as long as I can, I even tried to change or rather go against the nature to be as per their expectations, but I failed miserably every time.

My truth dawned on me gradually and I confessed it to them after lot of persuasion by my heart to me, and from that day onwards till today it has been very difficult for them to accept me as I am. Efforts from them are there, they know they can’t abandon me or I think love for me is upholding them from not giving up.

Love which have bounded three diverse people like us together and has strengthen us for so long will be required now abundantly. It has to make my mother understand that her son is not normal, but still it is her son who loves her and asks nothing but love in return. It has to weaken my  father’s pride and ego  and strengthen his heart to expect me as I am, because I am not the son he wanted but maybe I am better in other ways. My love for him is unconditional and so must be his love for me.

Yes my parents, I am a gay and this is what I can’t hide nor lie to you. Life, yes I love you a lot and would like to spend with you both. 

Some reality of our society scripted by me. Do comment your suggestions about what you think. 

VISHAL RAUT 

Image – Google 

Moments 

What is waiting ahead of this moment, I am pondering.

What I have in this moment, I am wondering.

Moments pass, every moment, when I think.

Moments pass,  every moment, when I worry.
What I have? what will I have? when will I have? how will I have?

So much I think  in this tiny moments.

Made me loose my all opportunities in this tiny moments.

Made me loose my all relations in this tiny moments. 
All sum up to none, but a lost moment

All end up with nothing, but a lost present. 

So why should I waste this moment, 

When I can have  everything or loose nothing in this moment. 
Copyright © Vishal Raut

Pieces of Me 

Pieces of me, which shattered last night,

Scattered now around me are glistening under light.

They are me and I was them, some time back,

But now I am new and they enlighten my track.


Immense energy and boundless courage was taken, 

To break my old self, and to patiently listen. 

The voice from my heart and of my loved ones,

Insisting me to reform and at once get it done. 


Love and faith is what I must vision ahead, 

Fear and guilt, I must abandon. 

Accepting myself and my situation must be learned soon,

What awaits me ahead is a shimmering lovely full moon.

Copyright ©Vishal Raut 
 

Chaisng Dreams 

“​Wait for me”, I said to her like every time. 

“I will return soon this time”  I said.

She stared in my eyes and tries to reach my heart. 

My shivering soul,  hides deep in shame and despise. 

She knows,  I am lying like last time. 

She knows I am chasing my dreams abondoning her this time

Copyright ©Vishal Raut 

DEMON IN MY MIND 

          

Oh you demon siting in my head

Leave me alone for a moment. 

Enough of haunting and playing with your prey. 

Abandon me now atleast, don’t wait till peril. 


Your every evil intention has been fulfilled. 

My every aspiration  have been shattered. 

You have me and  I am left with nothing. 

Give up now and go away for hunting. 


Maya is your master, greed your weapon. 

Illusion is your trap in which we succumb so faster. 

Weak is my heart and fragile my dreams. 

You will never set me free, no matter how louder I scream.


Copyright ©Vishal Raut

Image : Google. 

A King’s Statue 

Birds  shit on my face, beneath  thundering cloud. 

I await for my demolition and am ashamed. 

Being still and watching all,  has been the purpose. 

Yes a death is far better than this curse. 


I died long back, ages have been passed, 

Generations remembered me and generations forgot. 

They seek a lot within me and avoided me a lot too. 

They took everything from me as per their comfort. 


When sun shone on me, they all kneeled, 

When glory kissed me they praised. 

And when death was awaiting me, they worshipped. 

Today when I am no more, they caged me. 


Huge riding statues of mine, will look glorious, 

Pride will shine and courage will  be displayed. 

Truth will be hidden, and character will be shunned. 

Summon my principles, not my face value. 


Vishal Raut 

Copyright © Vishal Raut 

Image : Google 







What Happens ?

What happens when I am deep in my work,

She enters in my room  without  a knock.

Go away!! my heart screams and anger builds up in my veins,

Deriding  me, she strolls casually and kisses me.

Keeps my coffee on my table and off she goes, leaving me incomplete.

 

Copyright ©Vishal Raut

Image: Google

TRADING LIFE

When I am alone, lost deep in a crowd , I amuse myself by watching people faces and their appearance. Some amuse me, some make me wonder about them and most of them allure me towards them. I end up most of the time imagining, exchanging my life with them. Most of them attract me so much that I wish to take their place.

Same happens with me when I am travelling by a train, and among all those landscapes and running towns in my window, I search the perfect house and imagine myself in that. I am ready to trade my house, my life and that is what, I am frightened off.

Why am I doing this and why am I doing it without any hesitation at all? Life has been tough on me and so it has been on all of us but trading it with someone else just because  you find it to be better visually is not the right thing and I know it so well, still why my heart is so fascinated by this idea. I have to ask myself and search within me the reason for this. I have been doing the same from last few days and then I thought maybe I will like to know from you guys. Have you ever felt so?

I did realize that, for a moment if we say that we all want to do the same thing and we all imagine that the other person is having a better life than us, just as the saying goes ′Grass on the other side is always greener′That makes all of us unhappy with our life. then who is happy with his life ? The guy walking on a road see someone on a cycle and wishes for a cycle and the other guy on the cycle wants the bike standing beside him and the gentleman riding a bike is desperate to owe a car for his family. 

We all want more in our life and are not satisfied with the present situation and are always asking for more, sometime for us and sometime for our loved ones. But just  for a moment imagine if my brother, wife or my mother also start doing the same and if they also trade their life with someone’s else for a better living and happiness and if they choose to abandon me so easily then what would I feel.

Asking for more in a life is not an issue, but fighting for it, striving for it and winning it is more satisfying and worthy than spending time in our own LA LA land of dreams and waiting for miracles to happen.

Someone somewhere is more worthy than me, but he is not blessed with my life and my opportunities and I have to make most out of  my blessings.

So lets start loving our life and rather than focusing on what we don’t have lets cherish and value what we have.

Vishal Raut 

MY BACKYARD 

​I dumped many useless things in my backyard,

Now it is full, stinking and rotten.

Doors are closed and locked for ages,

But foul smell is escaping through creeks and edges.


It reminds me how much I owe.

Unreasonable, useless and miserable things. 

Things which have ruined me, tortured me.

Things which have shackled me to my past.


“Get rid of them as soon as you can” 

“Throw them, burn them, dispose them” 

“Do whatever you can, as soon as you can”


I know what has to be done, how it has to be done. 

I know all, because I learned all. 

Every knowledge, every path was available for me.

Every answer was within reach of my will


But still my backyard is full and so my mind.

My past is relishing on my present.

My heart is heavy with pain,

and for love, no space is left within me.

Copyright ©Vishal Raut

Image : Google 

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